Too Much Crazy: The Skanky Waitress or The Creepy Hand Patient?

Today I find myself with too much material to blog at once.  Do I rant about the woman who held hands with my husband, or the man who asked me for information about my showering habits?  I have the strongest feelings about Skanky Waitress, so I suppose I’ll start there.

Sunday evening, Charley, Carver, and I and some other family members stopped by Chopstix in Everett for “Family Night.”  I know, I know – if you’ve been to Chopstix on a Friday, you know it’s less “family-friendly” and more “white-trash fabulous” but we were hoping that Carver would enjoy the piano playing, singing, and child-friendly dance floor (which he did.)  In fact, Family Night is poorly attended and Carver had the run of the restaurant.  Charley and I spent most of the evening leaning on opposite ends of the bar watching Carver squeal, spin, and dance his way around the room.

While I was leaning against said bar, one waitress came over to tell me how cute Carver is (it’s true) and lament her weekend without her 2-year-old son.  I thought it was odd that she would strike up a conversation about unfortunate custody arrangements with a stranger, but I found it even more curious that it seemed like she was trying to block my view of the restaurant while we talked.  I peeked over the rather large woman’s shoulder and found the motivation for our chat.  Large Waitress’s friend, Skanky Waitress, was leaning over the bar (doing that thing poorly-endowed women do when they try to create cleavage by squashing their arms – if you’re male and you don’t know what I mean, ask your wife or a good, female friend that isn’t me.)  in the process of placing both her hands deliberately on top of Charley’s left hand!

There were two occupied tables in the restaurant and only one couple trying to corral a child (Charley and I.)  She at first glance, must have known he was romantically involved.  After first glance, at the second glance, when she had to find out where his left hand was so that she could try to hold it, I imagine she noticed that there was a wedding ring there.  All of these thoughts crossed my mind in the 2 seconds it took me to dodge Large in order to make my way over to Skank.  To Charley’s credit he was already moving out of reach before I got there so that he could kiss my forehead and put his arm around me.  By the time I turned around to make my own inappropriate physical contact with Skank, she had slithered back to the kitchen where she stayed until we left at closing.  Skank.